Signs: Unhinged / 17 March 2016
Many thanks to the good burghers of Brent who tickle my fancy every time I pass this sign. Yes even today when the clouds amass stormliness and I have to use the flash..... well, i don't have to but its digital and i don't know how to turn it off yet.
And so onward........
Before we go through the keyhole to this far from salubrious one storey affair, we trepass along a down trodden path past a hole in the ground which may or may not have once been a fish pool full of koi carp but now dehydrated, left without water, devoid of duck houses and barely mustering a drained moat we can only surmise that a tory patrician never lived here. We might also note from the uncared appearance of the garden that neither are we visiting Alan Titmarch though he may well be well disposed to sorting this mess out. Him and the guy from DIY SOS for it is clear that its a poor soul who lives here. Shame.
Still we move on..... this is not that sort of programme..... that swings from tragedy to uplifting smiles and moist cheeks, stained by tears, at the bravery of TV heroes relieving undateable inconsolables. Stepping over the threshold. We should not be put off by the stat scrawled on the wall '100% of cripples entering here do so glibly in ignorance of the fact that 25% of them can never get out without support'. That's not really a fact its just something the researchers read somewhere once.
One thing we can take comfort in Keith Lemon style is the preponderance of loos on every floor not that there are that many floors to a bungalow but look a toillet there and a commode here. Could it be that the victim is someone with IDS. Sorry I didn't mean irritiable Duncan Smith. It's not his house. I mean't IBS. Its really so difficult to find any clues to any sort of life here never mind spot the celebrity so there's only one thing for it.
Really the scrounger who lives here losing benefits to feed the middle classes needs to go stack some shelves in some supermarket. OK it wouldn't suppport their need for an income but at least they'd be getting out of the house and enriching some deserving capitalist. They might also be able to nick a snickers so as to leave some clue as to who they really are. Anyone can go down a foodbank you know. So, panel over to you. Saint or Sinner?