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Neal Pearce is a writer, poet, artist, Mouth of Open Doors/Universal locksmith/Cosmic Emissary, prophet (self-proclaimed!)... and obviously slightly mad too!

The Sea of Time Prophecies of Catesby, stills and Nash

31 January 2011


illustration of a 17th century pirate

Picture this: it's an ordinary Monday afternoon; the time could be 16:05,and I could be John Johnson (aka Guy Fawkes) undiscovered. But don't be mistaken - I'm no terrorist bent on murder and mayhem. Mine is a kind bomb; more 37 chapters than barrels (one for luck you see!) Each strategically positioned right under all those bloody stupid things you believe and are anchored to - you masturbankers! I'm sorry, but you need to be told. It's just that a storm comes this way - a very omenous storm,...

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Professor Stephen Strangely chats about the impending space-time tsunami, over a pot of tea...

30 January 2011


Hopefully it's all just a storm in a tea cup; but apparently something's been going on... a little hiccup, you might say. It started at the furthest reaches of the ever expanding universe (it needs some sort of gastric band if you ask me) roughly around supper time a Graham's number of years ago. What happened was, for some (unsurprisingly) unearthly reason the hyperspacial vortices caused the universe to have something of a micro peristaltic spasm; which meant that for a nanosecond it...

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Dark Lord Darth Sarsen catches up with his spleen in this latest offering from the ramblers club

26 January 2011


Victorian medical drawing of a spleen

My Morbid Spleen The stars looked beautiful tonight; but for some strange reason the dead man at the bus stop came to mind again I keep seeing myself giving him a gentle nudge; but the lemons in his fruit machine had stuck just out of sight. And the woman next to me screamed like an ambulance up my arse; while the girl (so strangely green) to one side muttered "cool" and snapped a picture on her phone. I heard the coroner had said his wife hadn't long been taken by her maker, and they'd buried...

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Fred Schnitzel ponders the expansion of the universe in his new DAO blog

23 January 2011


Fred photographed on a wooden throne in Winchester Cathedral

Today my uncle (whose recently been tinkling around with reverse engineering) told me that he'd sooped up his vacuum cleaner to such a degree that he was concerned he might be held accountable for throwing the expansion of the universe into reverse. I tactfully put it to him that he was off on another grandiose guilt trip, and that he ought to channel his creativity through a practical accelerator and invent something so useful that its usefulness may forever remain elusive, just as I was...

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